It's All Coming Back to Me Now
by X-Ari-kinns-X
Summary: PG-13 just to be safe Sirius leaves for Order Business all the time leaving Ari at home. One day he gets another owl and Ari finally snaps making the bond between them break. So fifteen years later she’s forced herself to rid of every memory of Sirius t
1. Because You Loved Me

It's All Coming Back to Me Know  
  
By: x_Arikinns_x  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except for the few I made up. Most of the characters mentioned belong to J. K. Rowling or my friends, whose role-play characters I used.  
  
Summary: Sirius leaves for 'Order Business' at all times of the day, leaving his 'girl,' Ari, at home all the time. One day, getting another 'urgent' owl, Ari finally snaps, causing the bond between the two to break. So, fifteen years later, she's forced herself to rid of every memory of Sirius to the far reaches of her mind, thinking that she'd never see him again. But, what happens if those memories come back to haunt her? And what is the deal with that big, black, bear like dog at the station?  
  
Prologue: Because You Loved Me  
  
The bone chilling wind swept across the still street, the coloring leaves being blown about the yards. Oh it was a blistery day indeed. The setting sun cast a beautiful ray down upon the quaint little town, showering it with its warm kisses. All was peaceful in the humble town, as peaceful as it could get at least.  
  
A quite unusual home in the small town had a slight difference to it than the other houses. Strange sounds came from it at all times of the day. Muttering of words un-known to muggle ears came from it. Flashes of colorful lights shone from it, and occasional yells and hollers came from it as well. Like mentioned before, unusual indeed.  
  
On the outside, it was a plain home. Nothing special. It had a chimney, a small patch of flowers growing in the small garden, a window in the front, a plain colored door; average home. But that was on the outside. On the inside, lived two young adults. No more than the ages of nineteen; Friends from their first year at the school they attended; Lovers since their last year; A "perfect couple" to an outsider.  
  
One of the two young adults was a young looking woman. Her knee length copper/brown tresses; in the same fashion since she was but a mere child, two pigtails, hung loosely at her sides. Her deep violet eyes, constantly blinking, had a mischievous glint to them. A tan that she received from all those years in that muggle swim class, still lingered along with her freckles; that dappled her cheeks and nose. Standing at a height of 5' 3" at the age of nineteen was nothing to brag about. It was a curse to her, something all women in her mother's side of the family received. 'A woman from the Kokorashi line normally didn't surpass the height of five foot even.' Her mother told her once when she as but a babe.  
  
But this Kokorashi woman wasn't 'normal.' Sure she was a certified witch and a pretty good one, but that's not what I meant. Not your normal girl is an understatement to begin with for her. A Kokorashi girl was never normal compared to the rest of the world. For example, she was destined to marry someone long before they were born. Another example, the unusual hyper-ness one does emit. For this Kokorashi, 'hyper' is not in her vocabulary. 'Hyper' for this woman was everyday life, But seeing her 'hyper'? Not a pretty sight. The odd way she could be 'hyper' one moment and then be as useless as a crumpled leaf. Strange, but this was the way the woman could be. That's how Arianne Megumi Mikagame Kokorashi, or 'Ari' as she loved to be called, was.  
  
Now, for the other inhabitant of the house -no, not another Kokorashi, and no, not another female- yes, it's a male. Not just any male, mind you. It's none other than the mischievous, handsome, Sirius Black. Yes, the one and only. What? You do not know of this boy- no- Man? He was one of the four in a small group of young "hoodlums" in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His best friends were James Potter-yes you heard me, James Potter- and Remus J. Lupin. Sure, there was also Peter Pettigrew, but he didn't really call him a 'friend'. He called him the 'tag along'. Still don't know?  
  
His eyes, such a beautiful shade of deep brown, a chocolate brown, always twinkling in a glint some would call mischievous, but others would say it had a sexy glint to them. Some called it 'Kiss me Sweet' brown. Why? No one really knows. Maybe it's because when you'd look into them, if you were a girl of course, you'd melt like chocolate. Yum. Chocolate. And his smile, so smug looking yet so, so... handsome. His skin, shaded lightly tan as if he played out in the sun too long, so...perfect, to some girls at least. He had a tenor voice that had a smooth musical whim to it. His dark brown, nearly black tresses would fall ever so slightly over the "Kiss Me Sweet" eyes of his, giving him a devilish look. Charismatic, charming, devilish good looks, a warm, bark-like laughter, "Kiss Me Sweet" eyes, that perfectly placed hair, the epitome of perfection to Ari Kokorashi.  
  
Lovers from their long ago teens years, as mentioned before, the two were called 'the perfect couple' along with a certain Potter and Evans and Lupin and Wolf. That's correct. Ari Kokorashi, Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, and Tala Wolf, friends since their first years at Hogwarts, and sweet hearts in their seventh. Such sweet memories; all full of sorrow, sadness, joy, and smiles. Frowns, tears, grins and laughs. Everything that would make a relationship 'work.'  
  
The wind continued to sweep across the streets, blowing the fall leaves this way and that. A familiar flash of bright red light shone from the cracks and windows of the house inhabited by Ari and Sirius, soon followed by the yells and yowls.  
  
"Damn cat!" Sirius Black yelled, aiming his wand at the frightened little kitten. "Get your bloody little arse back here, you beast!"  
  
The small black kitten, with its adorable white tail, ran behind its 'master,' Ari. The kitten's fur stood on end, hissing and spitting from behind Ari, as it saw Sirius stride closer, wand out stretched.  
  
"This is the last time your dear cousin will- " Sirius stepped back as Ari angrily took a step forward. Her kind, lightly tanned face held a scowl, as she took another step forward. Sirius stepped back, hands raised in mock surrender, a nervous chuckle escaping from his lips.  
  
"And exactly what are you going to do to Taka-chan, Sirius Black?" Ari asked haughtily, placing her hands on her hips. One of the two usual pigtails hung over one shoulder; while the other stayed at the back. Wearing a plain black shirt and grey sweatpants, an apron was firmly wrapped about her small waist, looking as if she was making dinner, which she was before she was rudely interrupted by the usual fighting of her boyfriend and cousin.  
  
Yes, you heard correctly. Cousin. For you see, "Taka" isn't your average cat. In fact, he wasn't a cat at all. He was Taka Hibiya, the older cousin of Ari on her mother's side. He was accustomed to the "ways" of the Kokorashi family and was all too glad to be his little cousin's "guardian" till she found the "one" person she claimed so long ago.  
  
"I wasn't going to do a thing, my sweet," Sirius claimed in his usual charming air. Brushing away a strand of his dark brown hair from those gorgeous eyes of his, the ever so familiar grin spread about his face.  
  
"Nothing, eh?" Raising a questioning brow up at him, she stepped closer, trapping him up against the wall.  
  
"Would I lie to you?" He asked innocently, smile never leaving. "Beside, I was just going to get him back for marring my beautiful face." There goes his ego again. It's plain to see that if he goes on like that, his head would be too big to fit out of the doorway.  
  
"'Beautiful face, huh?" She raised the questioning brow up higher, hands still on her hips. Taka poked his head out from the side of her leg, flashing Sirius his usual catlike smile. The taunting smile that seemed to say, "Ha, ha! You're gonna get it!"  
  
Seeing both the raised brow that usually meant trouble and the wretched cat's smile, Sirius decided to put on the charm. "Oh, but not as beautiful as yours, pet." He exclaimed, slowly wrapping his arms about his loved one's waist, the sensational grin still playing about his face. Softly placing a kiss about her dappled cheek, he was stopped by a hand, pushing him off.  
  
"Uh-uh, Sirius." She protested, the scowl still lingering as she pushed him slightly away, ignoring the pout he made as she did so. "Now, let me see the little scratch Taka gave you." She murmured softly, reaching a hand up to examine his face.  
  
"Little scratch!" Sirius echoed angrily. "You call this a 'little scratch'?" He yelled, showing her the small, but deep scratch upon his left cheek. Glowering at the cowering kitten, he frowned.  
  
"Yes, I call that a scratch, Sirius." She stated calmly, examining it more. "It may be a bit deep, but you've had worse things happen to you. Need I remind you of third year?" A playful smirk took place of the scowl as she slowly ran a finger over the scratch, giggling as she watched him wince.  
  
"It's not funny!" He pouted even more as he heard her giggle. An idea struck him Putting on the cutest pout he could muster, even adding a bit of whimpering, he cuddled closer to Ari, which looked ridiculous, seeing that he was about a foot taller than her. "Ari..." He began.  
  
Blinking at his cute pout, she couldn't resist the urge to smile. That pout always got to her, but she was building her immunity. "Yes, Sirius?" she sighed softly, going along with whatever he was planning.  
  
"I have an owie!" Aw. How cute. Even with a baby voice, Sirius can pull it off. Slowly blinking the forcefully huge eyes of his, making the pout grow, bottom lip quivering slightly, head cocked to the side and even a whimper emitting from him. How can you stand making him suffer it all? "Make the ouch-ness go away." He continued, still in the baby voice.  
  
Biting her bottom lip, resisting the temptation to hug the little bugger and make his "owie" go away. Pinching his uninjured cheek lightly, she nodded. Lifting his chin up to look over the scratch once more, she leaned forward to kiss the "owie" and make the "ouch-ness" go away. But before she could do so, Sirius wrapped his arms tighter around her, turning his face slightly so she'd kiss him on the lips, instead.  
  
Feeling their lips touch, Ari tried to pull away, but Sirius' hold was much too strong. Sighing, she gave into the kiss, gradually kissing back. Her arms soon found their way around his strong neck, deepening the kiss. The need between them grew as Ari leaned in farther, pushing him against the wall.  
  
Sirius' eyes widened with amusement at her actions. Smirking slightly, the grip on her loosened as he bent down farther so Ari wouldn't have to injure herself on her tiptoes. Placing his hands on her hips he asked for entrance to her mouth, and she allowed it. Tongue lashing for no more than a few mere seconds they broke apart from the usual taunts from Taka.  
  
"Yuck! Get a room, you two!" The now young looking adult called from the floor near them. His raven-black hair hung slightly over his similar deep violet eyes, Kokorashi eyes. The catlike smile still playing about his face grew wider as he watched the faces before him. Sirius' enraged and frustrated expression and his little cousin's reddening embarrassed one. Taka watched as they quickly pulled away, as much to Sirius' disappointment.  
  
"I told you to leave him at the castle," Sirius muttered, leaning against the wall. An exasperated sigh escaped from his pouting lips as he continued to glare daggers at the chuckling boy in the corner.  
  
"And then what? Get my aunt all up in my case again?" Ari shot back, straightening the apron that somehow nearly had fallen off. 'Damn Sirius and his hands.' She thought as she strode towards the kitchen, back to finish making dinner.  
  
"I always thought that Professor was a nut." He continued to mutter bitterly. Walking after Ari, a small smirk appeared as he entered the kitchen. "So... what's for dinner?" He asked casually.  
  
"Baked salmon and pasta, why?" She asked, not looking up from washing her hands at the sink. Mistake.  
  
Coming up from behind her, Sirius wrapped his strong arms around her dainty waist once again, going down to rest his chin oh her shoulder. "You know, I just love your pasta," He whispered gently, nipping her ear playfully.  
  
"It's not getting you anywhere," She said calmly, drying her hands on the rag next to the sink. "Now wash up while I finish making the sauce, all right?" Pouting once again, Sirius trudged off towards the bathroom to get ready for dinner.  
  
Entering the kitchen next, was the still grinning Taka. "You know, Ari," He began, staring at the baked salmon on the counter that was cooling. Licking his lips, he continued. "I wouldn't be going that 'fast' if I were you."  
  
"What do you know, Taka?" She snapped back, stirring the pot that contained the pasta sauce. "You've never been in an actual relationship. Unless you count that brunette when you were fourteen a girlfriend." Ouch. That got to hurt.  
  
"I'm just watching out for you, little cousin." He sneered, exiting the room as Sirius re-entered.  
  
"Something wrong, love?" He asked, seeing the angered expression on her tan face.  
  
"Everything's fine!" She yelled, forcefully stirring the sauce.  
  
"Err- okay," He stuttered, backing away from the kitchen and striding over to Taka. "What'd you do this time?" He snapped, folding his hands in front of himself.  
  
"Nothing!" He protested, leaning against the wall behind him.  
  
"Nothing my-," the familiar clanking of the dishes being pulled from the cupboard cut off Sirius' words. "I can help you with those, Arz," He stated cheerfully, going back into the kitchen. Taking the plate from her he smirk gingerly. "You!" He barked over at Taka who poked his head through the doorway. "You set the utensils."  
  
"But!" Taka protested, but obeyed, seeing the glare from Sirius. Taka usually listened to his cousin's boyfriend. Especially when Sirius was around Ari. Sirius could get as protective as a father or an older brother, no, worse! A boyfriend.  
  
The shattering sounds of a plate crashing against the floor reached the ears of the chef. Walking out of the kitchen with the platter of baked salmon; it's luscious aroma wafting about the dinning room as she entered it. Nearly dropping the platter in her hand, her mouth hung open. There, right in front of her, her grandmother's plate, lay shattered on the floor, the two young men, with eyes wide as a deer about to get run over by a truck, pointing fingers at the other.  
  
Sighing softly, she set the plate of baked salmon on the wooden table, taking out her wand at the same time. "Reparo!" She muttered, pointing at the bits of pieces of the plate on the floor. It instantly went back together. Picking it up, she handed it over to Sirius as she re-entered the kitchen, soon coming back out with a small pot of pasta, the sauce she was stirring earlier, lay on top of the steaming noodles. Giggling at the two drooling men as she set down the bowl, she closed their hanging mouths. "Time to eat, children," she said in a motherly air, going back into the kitchen one last time to remove the fuzzy mittens she used to hold onto the steaming pot.  
  
Seating themselves immediately, they waited until she returned. Picking up the forks and knives, they dug in, Sirius in his dog like manner, Taka, like the cat he was, and Ari, who just sat there a brief moment, watching two of her loved ones eat the food she prepared. Smiling, she too, began to eat the delicious food.  
  
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The sun had set a while ago. Dinner was finished long before then. The home of Sirius and Ari, not to mention Taka, was fairly quiet, dark as well. Strange... it wasn't normally this peaceful. The hall lights were off, the moonlight was all they could use. A door opened slowly, the hinges creaking. The dark figure crept out into the hallway, its eyes darting around for any sign of life other than his. The coast was clear. Walking down the hallway, moonlight casting an eerie glow through the windows at both ends of the halls, the only light. Creeping closer and closer to the other door near the end of the seemingly long hallway, the figure bit its bottom lip nervously. Reaching for the doorknob with a shaking hand, he jumped back as a hand found its way onto his shoulder.  
  
"Bloody, sodden hell! "Sirius exclaimed, turning around to meet the anger filled, deep violet eyes that belonged to Taka. Gulping nervously, Sirius forced a smile. "Why... hello there, Taka, my good man." He squeaked. "What brings you out here at the hallway in the middle of the night?"  
  
"Patrolling the house to make sure intruders don't harm Ari while you sleep. You?" Taka asked, the corners of his mouth twitching as he did so. 'Does Sirius really think he could pull that off, again?' He thought bitterly. Two nights in a week he's tried this.  
  
"Err... on my way to the bathroom, is all!" He lied; beads of sweat forming at his temples. He was a dead man; he knew it. Taka let him off easy the last time, saying he wouldn't tell Ari about his... sneaky ways, but this time for sure he'd be tattled on. Just perfect.  
  
"The bathroom is that way, my good man." Taka pointed towards the other side of the hallway. "Now why don't you run along before Ari wakes up, what do you say, Sirius?" Dead as a doorknob.  
  
"M-my mistake," He muttered before striding down the hall, back to his room. Jerking back, he felt Taka 's shaking hand grasp the collar of his shirt.  
  
"Not so fast, my friend," Taka murmured dangerously. "I think Ari and you should have a little chat." Dragging him back towards Ari's bedroom door, Sirius tried to pull away, but a cousin's anger is stronger than most people, they say.  
  
"I-I don't think that's such a good idea," He protested, still trying to tug free. "She-she's probably still sleeping. She needs her beauty rest, you know."  
  
"So now you're calling her ugly, eh?" Taka asked, shoving him up against the wall. His deep violet eyes glimmered in anger as he glared daggers at Sirius.  
  
"Ugly? The Goddess Aphrodite is ugly compared to that vision of beauty lying in her bed... all warm and cozy. Just lying there. Sleeping. So innocent..." Shaking his head vigorously, he continued on. "I never said she was ugly, Taka! And she needs her rest or she'll get all, bitter in the morning. You know how she is!"  
  
The hallway light flashed open, showering the once dim hallway with treasured light. Blinking, the two men tried to adjust their eyes to the sudden brightness. "What are you guys doing out here?" Ari murmured, striding over to them, the cup of warm milk in her hands.  
  
"Nothing!" They said in unison. Staring at one another for a brief moment, the next they both showered the sleepy girl with sentences, words, phrases, all things she didn't need to be yelled at, at the moment.  
  
"Sirius was trying to-" "Taka here was calling you ugly!" "No I didn't! He's the one that did!" "I did no such thing! I said she needed her beauty rest, not that you aren't already beautiful, my dear." "He was trying to climb into-" "Don't listen to him! He's the one prowling around the house, paranoid that we're going to get attacked or something!" "I'm just trying to help out here! Making sure you guys aren't hurt while you sleep!" "Paranoid! Paranoid!" "Pervert! Pervert!" "Who are you calling a perv?" "You, you pervert!"  
  
"Will you two..." Ari began shaking with rage as the two squabbled on. "Please, just SHUT UP!" She said please, didn't she? So they did. Sidestepping away from the two arguing men, who seemed more like children then men, she opened her bedroom door, entering her room. "The neighbors will hear you. Good night." With that, she slammed the door shut in their faces and headed for her bed.  
  
Blinking at the closed door for a few more moments, the men sighed simultaneously. Glaring at one another, they nodded a curt farewell.  
  
"I'll see you in the morning," Taka muttered, walking down the hallway to continue his "duties" as older cousin, protecting the younger ones.  
  
"Good nigh- what the bloody... not again." A small tawny owl landed right in front of the startled man, a letter in its beak. Twittering madly, Sirius and Taka tried to shush the bird as not to waken Ari. Finally subduing the animal, Sirius managed to rip open the letter, reading quickly. "Blast." He muttered, folding the letter back up. "I have to go again."  
  
"Not again," Taka groaned, taking the letter from him and reading it himself. "You just got back last week. Do you have to go now?" He asked in a whiney tone of voice.  
  
"I have to, Taka." Sirius stated, heading towards his room, Taka in tow. "The Order needs me." Opening the door, a grim expression raced about his lightly tanned face. Another day, another time to leave Ari, how he hated those days. Striding over to his desk, he pulled out one of the stationary papers he kept, along with a pencil. Scribbling a quick letter down, he folded it up neatly, exiting the room in a hurry. Funny. Who'd have thought Sirius Black would use muggle writing uses.  
  
"Where are you going?" Taka asked in a rushed, concerned manner, following him still. Sirius didn't answer. Walking down the hall, a few feet behind Sirius, they neared Ari's room. "What are you going to do?" He asked in earnest. Sirius still refused to answer.  
  
Putting a finger up to his lips, telling Taka to be silent, Sirius crept into the room. "Sh! She's asleep." Creeping up to the sleeping form of Ari, a kindred smile played about as he slipped the note beside her on her pillow. Pecking her softly on her forehead, seeing a smile on her 'angelic' face, a smile too appeared on Sirius'. "Good night, sweet girl. Pleasant dreams." Gently squeezing her hand, he strode out of the bedroom without a second glance.  
  
Taka watched as Sirius walked out to the hallway and back to his room. Grabbing something from the top of his dresser. Hiding it from human eyes, he walked out into the den, taking a seat on the couch, waiting for the little bugger to come over and lecture him about staying for Ari's sake so he could go on with his way.  
  
But Taka didn't come to the den. He stood at the hallway entrance with a grim expression. Motioning his head towards the doorway, his eyes hardened. "Just go. Before she wakes." He muttered.  
  
Eyes downcast, he stood back up, nodding a farewell and thank you. Pushing the door open, the wind ruffled his dark tresses. Closing the door behind him, he closed his shimmering optics. Moments later, a popping noise reached Taka 's ears, signaling that Sirius was gone.  
  
"So... he left, I see." A soft voice murmured from behind Taka. It was barely audible, a little less than a whisper. The owner of the voice wiped away a stray tear that trailed down her freckled cheek. Licking her dry, pale pink lips, she tasted the saltiness of her tears.  
  
Taka nodded solemnly. "Sorry, Ari. He had to go." He muttered bitterly. He didn't have to go. He just wanted to. Or so he thought. "Want something to drink?" He asked innocently, seeing his cousin's attempt to choke back the tears.  
  
Shaking her head at his offer, she strode past him, muttering something under her breath. "I'm fine. Just... want to sit for a bit." Was what she had said.  
  
Sitting on the couch Sirius last sat in, her already heavy heart, sunk lower in the depths of despair. Why? Why did he always have to leave when she needed him to be at her side, in the hard times, in the good or bad times? He always had to leave. The salty tears streaked down her freckled cheeks, falling onto her clenched hands on her lap. Shutting her eyes as the tears fell on, her bottom lip quivered as a small whimpered emitted from them.  
  
"Why now?" Her croaky voice asked the nearly empty room. In her clenched fists, lay the letter, now crumpled. She didn't bother to read it. Ari knew it was probably the same as all the others he had written. With a loud sob, she threw the crumpled letter in the direction of the empty hallway. Throwing herself onto the couch, she let all the held back tears fall in its torrents.  
  
Sobbing uncontrollably onto the couch, the figure of Taka hidden in the shadows of the hallway picked up the letter, taking it back to his room. Entering the dimly lit room that was his, he sat down on his bed, unfolding the crumpled mass that was the letter. His eyes darted about the crumpled sheet, widening slightly as he neared the end. Shaking his head in a disapproving manner, he placed it on the small desk next to his bed before leaving the room once again to comfort Ari.  
  
A stray wind blew from the open window from Taka 's room, causing the wrinkly letter to fall onto the carpeted floor. Inscriptions were strewn about the paper, in a somewhat childish, yet still legible writing.  
  
"Dear Ari,  
I'm sorry. Yet again I must leave you. It's urgent this time. There is something wrong with James and Lily, something about Voldemort as well. The letter was rained on, and I could hardly make most of it. Please, forgive me. I have to go this time. I love you, Ari. Please... I want you to know that. I'm truly and deeply sorry.  
  
Love,  
  
Sirius"  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
A/N: Love it? Like it? Hate it? Tell me your thoughts! Review! =) 


	2. The Day You Went Away

**It's All Coming Back to Me Now**  
  
**_By: xArikinnsx_**  
  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters except for the few I made up. Most of the characters mentioned belong to J. K. Rowling or my friends, whose role-play characters I used.  
  
**Summary:** Sirius leaves for 'Order Business' at all times of the day, leaving his 'girl,' Ari, at home all the time. One day, getting another 'urgent' owl, Ari finally snaps, causing the bond between the two to break. So, fifteen years later, she's forced herself to rid of every memory of Sirius to the far reaches of her mind, thinking that she'd never see him again. But, what happens if those memories come back to haunt her? And what is the deal with that big, black, bear like dog at the station?  
  
**Author's Notes:** Hey all! Sorry for not updating this in, like, forever, but I had a bit... or should I say, lot of writer's block and loads of other stuff was happening so... yeah. Sorry again. Oh, I'd like to thank the people that reviewed:  
  
**Alesha:** Yeah. Thanks for being my first reviewer, 'Lesha! No worries I'll find a way to put her in there, somehow! LoL

**Nocturnal007**: Thanks a bundle! I'll be glad to read your stories! =)

**Fluffy:** Hey Fluffiness, you used my word again! LoL Well thanks for reviewing! Sorry for taking so long to update and no you aren't an illiterate ... Say that again, and I'll make Leena attack Toddy-kin!

**Hypie: **Hihihi Hypie!! Shmank yew ever sho much fer reviewing! I feel sho... loved! xD

**Fluffy(again xD): **Yesh, yesh... I'll continue it... no worries... oh! Squishyness has an idea! xD I'll tell you abou it on yahoo later, okayz?   
  
**Chapter 1: The Day You Went Away  
**  
Ari's Point of View  
  
_"I'm... sorry." A depressed sounding voice echoed through the nearly empty hallway. With a crestfallen expression, he advanced towards me, about to give me another embrace before he'd leave for yet another trip because of the Order. Usually I'd allow him to embrace me just once more, wanting the warm feeling he always gave me to linger, but not this time. This time, I drew back, folding my arms protectively in front of myself. I shook my head.  
  
"No."  
  
Sighing, he too shook his head. "I told you, I have to go, Ari." He repeated over many of times. I saw the broken-hearted expression on his handsome face as I shook my head once again.  
  
"No."  
  
A slightly puzzled expression crossed his face as I murmured the word. He advanced yet again, but he saw my discomfort-ness, and backed away. Lowering his hands to his sides, he turned away, probably too ashamed to let me see him cry. He sighed once again, taking his first step towards the door.  
  
My hand shot out to grab his. Tugging slightly, I saw him turn back, the same puzzled expression returning. I shook my head yet again. "Don't." I muttered. "Don't go. Stay. Please." My word clung with please and cries, wanting him to stay and not leave me alone again. "I don't... want you to go."  
  
His strong hand clamped over mine, pulling me into those embraces that always made my stomachs do flips. Lifting my head slowly up, I gazed into those overcast eyes of his, seeing the sorrow in them. He might have seen the similar sorrow filled in mine, but I don't really know.  
  
Bending down, he gently placed his soft lips over mine, in a feather light kiss. My bottom lip quivered slightly as I tried to force a sob back to its reaches. But Sirius silenced me with another soft kiss, soon pressing his against mine with a stronger forced. Need.  
  
I needed him. He needed me. We needed each other, but something was always in our way. First year, it was the fact that I was a girl that I couldn't really hang out with him and the others, until I proved myself 'worthy'. Second year, that was the year the pranks began. Third year, other female students took a liking to him. Fourth year, labeled as the 'tomboy' or Gryffindor house, said that I wasn't 'easy', which might have been a good thing. Fifth year, the annoying way that he'd leave me for James or Remus, sometimes even /Peter/! Sixth year, his blasted fan clubs still chased after him. Seventh Year, we had to keep our 'relationship' a secret nearly the whole year; too many obstacles. But we concurred them, why couldn't we concur this one?  
  
Bottom lip still quivering, he finally broke away, leaving me breathless. Panting slightly, he settled me back down, letting go of my waist. Closing his eyes, he planted another soft kiss on my forehead before heading towards the door once again.  
  
"W-wait!" I cried out, reaching after him once again. My hands brushed against his as I made a grab for the sleeve on his shirt. Flinging my arms around him, a few of the held back tears fell gently down my freckled cheek. "Don't... please don't go."  
  
"Ari..." He sighed in frustration, hugging me once again. "I want to stay. You know I do. But..." Resting his chin on top of my head, I felt him breath in slowly, probably trying to figure out a way to say his next sentence.  
  
"I have to." We said in unison. Looking down at me, the same crestfallen expression still lingered. "So... you understand then?"  
  
"I understand, Sirius." I persisted, tasting the saltiness of the tears that streaked down my cheeks. "I-I knows I'm being selfish, but I want you to stay with me. Please Sirius." Licking my dry lips, I begged on. "Please... don't go."  
  
Turning away, another frustrated sigh emitted from him. "It's not that easy for me either. I want to stay, but they need-"  
  
"I need you!" I interrupted. "If you can't stay, then just take me with you! I'll stay at Grimmauld. You're Mum won't mind, will she?"  
  
"You can't go, Ari. I'm not staying at Grimmauld. I'm meeting Remus in London tonight." Kissing my forehead once again, he nodded a farewell. "I'll be back soon."  
  
Seeing him head towards the door a third time that night, was the 'last straw that broke the camel's back,' as some would put it. Watching as he neared the door, the tears fell in their fury; my already mending heart broke once again; the plummeting of the rain, crashing against the window, felt as if it were crashing down upon the shattered pieces of my heart. No more. I wouldn't- no- couldn't take it anymore. It's the final decision.  
  
"The Order, or me?"  
  
He turned around, seeing him raise a questioning brow. A quizzical look was plastered upon his face as he did so. Blinking as if he didn't hear correctly, he shook his head. "Excuse me?" He inquired.  
  
"The Order, or me?" I repeated once again, a bit of courage now stringing to my words.  
  
"A-Ari..." He began, striding back over to me, taking both of my hands in his. "Can we please, please, talk about this later?" A look of hope shone on his face, but I would make that look vanish.  
  
"No." I stated plainly. "I want to know, Sirius. Would you choose the Order, or me?"  
  
I knew it was risky. I knew I wouldn't be able to turn back after this. I knew... I knew. But I wanted to know whom he'd rather be with. Would he rather be with "The Order" or... me?  
  
The frustrated sigh escaped from his lips once again. Running an agitated hand through his thick dark brown, nearly black locks, as I watched him slowly exhale. His hair fell gently over his eyes as I saw him take a step back towards me. I stood my ground, the fear of loosing him, of slipping away into despair, clung to my heavy heart. I felt it, just standing there, waiting; waiting for his next move, his next word. His lips parted slightly, and I saw him take in a bit of air, about to speak.  
  
"Sirius! Open up!" A voice broke our gaze before Sirius could speak. It had come from the door. Something, or most likely someone owned that harsh knock. That voice. It seemed so... familiar.  
  
"Do hurry, Sirius!" Another voice called over the thundering rain outside. "Tala and I are getting quite wet!" Tala? That means, the owner of the second voice was...  
  
"Remus!" I heard Sirius hiss as he strode over to the doorway. Turning the knob, he peered through the crack in the doorway, murmuring something over to our friends.  
  
"What did you do now, Black?" I heard Tala inquire in a somewhat angry way. Forcefully opening the door, along with the aid of Remus, the drenched figures stood in the doorway, barking insults at Sirius, as he just stood there, asking them to 'quiet it down' and to 'give him more time' to 'reason' with me. Reason with me? That little...  
  
"Tala, Remus, OUT!" I screamed, outraged at the very thought of Sirius trying to 'reason' with me in this situation. With their eyes wide like a deer in headlights, I pushed them through the doorway, slamming the door in their faces. Ignoring the knocks, bangs and pleas, I glared daggers at Sirius, who just stood there, gawking at me.  
  
"Erm, you know, Ari," I heard him mutter under his breath. "I really should get going. And they might get sick out there."  
  
I hid my face in my hands, trying hard to choke back the threatening tears. "You'd rather be with the Order than me, huh?" I blubbered from behind them. I heard the voices from my friends behind the door, even through the thundering rain.  
  
"Bloody sodden 'ell!" I heard Remus curse through the racket of the rain. "Don't undress now! That's meant for the house, Tala!"  
  
"But-"I now heard Tala protest. "I have to take it off!"  
  
"You're so wet! Good lord... No! That thin stays on!"  
  
Sirius and I stared at each other for a moment. It seemed as if we thought the same thing. He and I made both our ways towards the doorway, making a grab for the brass knob. After fighting over who will open the door, I successfully opened it. To both his and my amazement, Tala stood next to Remus, her jacket from before placed over his shoulders, them, giving us puzzled looks.  
  
"What?" They asked innocently, gazing back at us. Shaking my head and sighing at my own foolishness, I stepped back into the house. I could have sworn I heard Tala mutter something that sounded like, "I told you it would work," to Remus, but I brushed the feeling off.  
  
Staring at Sirius once again, a look of determination plastered upon my face. He gazed back for a moment, but said nothing. Sighing, yet again, I stormed off towards my room, my friends at my heels. I slammed the door in their faces-WHAM! The sound echoed through my dark room. I ignored their calls and please to open the door. I didn't want them near me. No, not right now. I just... wanted to be alone, to think things through. I just... I just... want them to go away and leave me alone. Alone...  
  
"GO AWAY!" I screamed harshly at the tightly shut door, but their obsessive bangs and pleas wouldn't stop. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled even louder. My throat hurt, to be blunt, but they wouldn't stop. They just wouldn't stop...  
  
Sitting on my bed, my head in my hands, I wept, not wanting to hold the tears any longer. They just wouldn't understand. Why? Why? Make the banging stop... just... make everything go away. My head... it's throbbing so horridly. It...just make it all stop, please!  
  
Everything was going dark so absolutely dark. I felt as if I was falling, falling into an endless abyss where none of my sorrow and pain would ever leave me. I could feel icy hands constrict about me, dragging me down farther, farther into the abyss. It was getting harder and harder to breath. I could still hear the rain though it was like thunder, pounding against the windowsill. Falling... falling down to who knows where. I felt lightheaded, as if I were dizzy.  
  
So dizzy... The falling, I finally stopped. I don't know how or when, but, I stopped, but, I was still a bit dizzy. Something cold was placed on my forehead, something... wet. Was it... raining? Raining? Was I outside? No, I was too warm to be outside. Wait... warm? Why was I...?  
  
My eyelids shot open; I stared up at my bedroom ceiling. Sitting up, the wet and cold thing I had felt, a washcloth, fell down onto my lap. Trying to suppress a surprised yelp, I picked up the dripping wet cloth and set it down on... the half filled bowl of water that was on my side table. Strange... I don't remember having it there last.  
  
My ears perked up, hearing voices coming from the hall. As dizzy as I was, I pulled the comforter off my sweating forehead. Sweating? Well, I guess it's logical for one to sweat if you're under a comforter on such a warm night. But why was I? And... how? Did Sirius, Tala and Remus come in? But I don't remember them entering, all I could was... everything going black and... that's it.  
  
Fighting off nausea and another urge to yelp as my feet touched the cool floor, I made my way towards the slightly ajar door. Leaning towards the crack, the voices were louder than ever, as if they were mere feet from the door.  
  
"But, Sirius, are you sure?" That was, of course, the voice of Remus. Who else could it be?  
  
"Yeah, Sirius, I mean, let's think this through, first," What was Tala talking about?  
  
"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing," What is he doing? What's going on? Ugh! My head hurts even more now!  
  
"Sirius! Think! You have to go!"  
  
"I can't! Not when the person I love is in there, sick! I'm sorry, you guys go on with out me..." Oh... Sirius. You don't have to.  
  
I heard their footsteps come closer to the door. My heart felt as if it stopped. Ignoring the feeling in the pit of my stomach, I ran or more like toppled back over to my bed, throwing the comforter back on just in time. The hinges of the door creaked and groaned slightly as the footsteps belonging to my friends and loved ones came closer.  
  
"Look at her guys, I can't just leave her here," I felt weight gain at the foot of my bed, someone, most likely Sirius, sat down, "You two go. I'll go next time."  
  
"No, Sirius, you go with them," I was shocked that it had come from me. As I lay there, now staring up at the ceiling, I felt their confused gazes on me. Sighing, I sat up, eyes down cast, staring now at my bed covers.  
  
"A-Ari, you should be rest-"I cut Sirius' words short.  
  
"And you should be going with Remus and Tala to London," I slowly looked up at his concern filled face. I love him too much to let him just stay here. He needs to be free, and I could see it in his eyes. The longing for adventure, the need to be out there where danger lurked in every corner, where he could be caught and the chance he might not return. It was all there, I could see it; I needed to let him go.  
  
I felt the hot tears trail slowly down my cheeks and as if on instinct, my hand reached up to wipe them. But, arms felt like lead and I could hardly raise them. I saw Sirius' eyes grow wide as my tears first fell and he caught them before they fell too far to be caught. The burning sensation from my cheeks and from my throat caused the tears to continue falling.  
  
No... I couldn't allow this to happen. The more he stays near me, the more pain I'm giving him. No... I don't want him to be hurt. I need to set him free. I love him too much to keep him locked up in this home. I know I'm being selfish, I know, but if being selfish means I get to let him be happy, then I'd rather be selfish and live alone then let him stay here with me and be deprived of his happiness.  
  
I pulled together what strength I had left to wrap my arms around his neck, one last time. Just one more is all I ask; one last embrace to satisfy me before I have to set him free. My lips trembled as I slowly pulled away but before I could his arms wrapped around me, returning the hug. Shakily, I exhaled. I had to do this. I had to let go once and for all.  
  
"Sirius," I softly murmured into his ear. I could barely hear his reply his words were drowned by the clash of thunder and the pounding of the rain. But distinctly, over the racket of the storm outside I heard the door snap shut. Thank you Remus and Tala, for giving us a bit of privacy, it was going to be hard to tell him, but... I have to.  
  
"Sirius," I began once more, pulling away so I could stare into his eyes. Those boyish eyes that always had a glint of adventure. How I'd miss gazing into them. "I... have to tell you something." My arms were still wrapped around his neck and it was when I tried to sit down properly on the bed did I notice. Embarrassed, I withdrew my arms, sitting correctly on the edge of the bed, back facing Sirius.  
  
"What is it?" I heard him asked in a concerned voice. I don't blame him if was concerned, I would be too if I were in his shoes. I sighed heavily and turned to face him, about to speak when he spoke first. "Please don't tell me what I think you're about to tell me."  
  
I raised my eyebrows in confusion. What is he talking about? Can it be? Does he know that I want him to leave and not come back? Did he see right through me? "Sirius, I'm sorry, I-"  
  
"Oh god no," He interrupted once again. I saw him shake his head, and my heart ached to see him in such pain.  
  
Maybe... maybe I shouldn't let him go-no! I've decided... I will and that's final! "Sirius, I'm sorry but I'm-"That man sure doesn't know that it's rude to interrupt people.  
  
"Sorry? Why are you sorry, baby?" Baby? He-wait- what? I felt his arms wrap around me again, but I didn't return the hug. "Oh Ari, when did you realize it?"  
  
Was he... happy that I was letting him go? That little... no, no! Mustn't get angry with him... yet at least. What was this man talking about? And... why was he so happy about it? "Just... now, I guess."  
  
"Now?" He inquired, "but... shouldn't you go see a medi-wizard to make it official?" Official? What?  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh never mind!" He hugged me once again, and it just caused me to get more confused. "I can't believe you're going to have a baby, Ari." And he planted a kiss upon my forehead.  
  
A... Bay... baby? Wha...  
  
"A baby?" I croaked out.  
  
"ARI'S HAVING A BABY?!" Tala and Remus toppled back into the room. Apparently they were trying to listen in... the little sneaks. I'll get them one of thee days. "Ari! Sirius! Congratulations!" Tala was the first to snap back from shock between the two. Rushing over, she embraced me first, then Sirius. Remus, apparently still shocked, just sat there, staring wide- eyed at us. As soon as Tala helped him up, he eventually came to his senses. "Congratulations, Padfoot!" Patting his good friends back, Sirius just pulled him into a hug. Laughing, the two grown men just couldn't stop smiling. Wait... what am I saying? This isn't right... this was all wrong!  
  
"Wait, wait, wait!" I felt their curious gazes on me an instantly my freckled cheeks burned a light shade of pink. "I think you guys have it wrong. I'm not pregnant. I needed to tell Sirius that.... I want him to... leave." I struggled to say the words clearly, and every syllable, every letter that escaped from my lips pierced my heart like a thousand arrows.  
  
"Um, Tala, dear," I heard Remus softly murmur to his girlfriend. "I think we should-"  
  
"No," She muttered, making her way towards the door. "I know we should." I heard the door squeak shut, and I knew they were gone, but it still felt a bit... stuffy in there. I knew they weren't listening in now. How, you may ask? Well, I know my friends, lets just put it.  
  
"Why?" My lips had formed the word, but I never thought I'd actually ask him.  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to... to be free?"  
  
"Free? Ari!" He stepped forward, wrapping his strong arms around me once again. Normally I would have melted into the embrace, but I was hesitant. "What are you saying, love? Being with you, is everything I wanted in life."  
  
I hate what he does to me. His very words always bring tears to my eyes. Why? Why does he torture me? He loves me, or so he claims. And I love him back... so why do I shed these tears?  
  
"Baby, what's wrong?" He looked down at me with worried filled eyes and I couldn't help but cry harder. "Ari?" He knelt down on his knees and looked straight up at my crying eyes. A look of knowing crossed his features and I had nothing to do but step back away from him.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, I just wanted you to be happy and here I am letting you go and I just-" What was he doing? How could he do that, now at all times! Damn him! Damn him to the seven bottomless... but his lips were so soft as they pressed against mine. I stared at his closed eyes, shocked, to be blunt once again.  
  
I wanted to push away, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. His lips caressed mine, and it made my blood rush to my cheeks. It wasn't as if he'd never kissed me before, but there was something different to this one. It was just... different somehow. Whatever it was, it didn't really matter to me, because I was soon just melting into the kiss, and returned it.  
  
His arms wound around my waist in a tighter grip than before, and yet I still didn't pull away. I blindly placed the palms of my hands on his shoulders, deepening the kiss still. One hand snaked up the small of my back and rested at the back of my neck. Damn him and his roaming hands...  
  
"Sirius I..." I tried to stop it before it got any farther, but he still continued to savagely eat my lips. Oh the hell with it, part of me thought, just wanting to forget letting him go. But I have to, one side argued, and I just didn't know which side to choose.  
  
My eyes snapped open as I felt him guide me back onto my bed, pinning me against it. No... now this was going to stop before I'd hate myself in the morning. I broke the kiss once again and glared up at his confused expression. I was letting this get way out of hand, and I knew that if I didn't tell him those three little words, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I know it would be a lie, saying that to the man I love, but everyone must make sacrifices. If I wanted him to be happy, then I'll sacrifice my own happiness and let him go. Let him be free to roam the lands whenever he wished. Free... to be who he wants to be. I don't want him to be locked up in this prison I've made him stay in. He needed to be let go a long time ago, and I blame myself for letting him go through all that. No... I am going to let him go.  
  
"Sirius I... hate you." There, I said it. And sure, I've said it many times before when we were younger, but... I had never really meant it before. I still don't, and I never will...  
  
A bolt of lightning flashed behind him from the window, illuminating my dimly lit chambers. And I saw it, even if it was just a brief moment. That look he gave out, it tore my heart in a thousand pieces. His jaw hung and his overcast optics were wide. Either in fear or in shock or maybe in betrayal... perhaps it was all three put together, and I don't blame him. I could tell his bottom lip was shaking and he looked as if he had seen James and Lily back at Godrick's Hollow those few months ago.  
  
I turned my head away, closing my eyes, as not to see that expression. I was still pinned to the bed, so it was all I could do. I didn't want to see him like this; I didn't want to see that pained expression... no, not again. I never wanted to hurt him, but now... now, the one thing I promised I'd never do again...  
  
My heart skipped a beat as something cool landed on my turned cheek. He was... crying? I heard him take in a quick breath and I turned to face him once again. His cheeks, I guessed that they were a rosy colored now. I didn't need light to see them, the tears, that is. I knew exactly where they were, for I was crying myself. My shoulders and lips quivered as I stared up at that tear stricken face.  
  
I couldn't take it anymore!! I shut my eyes once again, not wanting to see the crystal like tears trail down his handsome face and drip down from his shaking chin, only to land down at my equally tear stained features. I just wanted all this drama to end. I wish... I wish I never had the idea to letting him go... but some wishes just don't come true.  
  
It wasn't until I opened my eyes that I noticed that he was now on top of me, instead of over me, holding me tight against him. I stared up at the pale white ceiling, listening to his gentle sobbing against my ear. I wrapped my arms around him, trying to comfort him, but I knew it wasn't going to help matters much.  
  
"Sirius, I'm-"  
  
"It's okay," he breathed softly against my ear, "just... let me lie here in your arms for the night. Then, I'll go."  
  
How could I refuse? There was nothing else I could do but just embrace him, and wait out the night till he'll leave the next day. Heh I bought this on myself. But... at least, he'll be happier.  
  
So, lain there, wrapped in the other's arms, it felt... right, lying there with him. I hardly slept that night. I just watched over him, sleeping like a little child, so innocent. Before I had fallen asleep, I made a memory. I know it may sound stupid, but I'll always remember that my first true love smelled like peaches and wildflowers... over that mint after-shave, of course.  
  
And while I slept, I hardly noticed that he had crept away in the dead of the night. He had gathered his things, left yet another note behind in his wake. My eyes fluttered open as the sound of my bedroom door hinges creaked. I could have sworn I heard the words, "I love you, my sweet girl," before he had closed my door slowly. As softly as he had shut it, it seemed for me like the slamming of an iron door. It echoed in my head and in my heart.  
  
I'll never forget that lovable git. And may the heavens forsake me if for a moment I'd-_  
  
"MUM!"  
  
I snapped back from my thoughts, blinking down at the small kitchen table set for breakfast, and the teenage female that set across from me. "Y-yes, Marissa?"  
  
"I said," the blonde girl repeated softly, "'Can you, please pass the butter?'"  
  
A sheepish grin appeared on my seemingly embarrassed features as I handed my daughter the plate that held the stick of butter. "There you go, sweetie," Sipping my mug of coffee contently, a smile played about my lips. "What were we talking about again, dear?"  
  
"I said, we better hurry or I won't be able to go to Hogwarts this year!"  
  
Hog... warts? Oh yes, Hogwarts! The school I met such wonderful friends and... that boy. What was his name again? Oh... never mind. "All right, dear. I'll clean this up, and you get your trunk ready."  
  
"Yes, Mum." I watched as my nearly fifteen year old girl scurry out of the room. Humming to myself, I took out my wand from my jean pocket, and began my work of cleaning up the kitchen.  
  
A/N: Tada!!!! What do you think? Good? Bad? Awesome? Excellent? Horrid? Dreadful? ... Something? Whelp, I'll just wait till you all review, in the mean time... I might as well start on the next chapter. I promise you all that I'll finish it... as soon as possible!! Mwahaaha! And If I don't get it up before... oh, say, the beginning of my school term, my homophobic hobos smite me!! And... before I depart, I must say that the writer's boulder that has blocked my creative juices from flowing, is getting on my nerves... heh, if any of you guys have any suggestions or any ideas for the fic, please, dun hesitate to inform me.


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